Relationship therapy- Better to Forgive or Forget? Which is more important?

Forgive. Everything. Where “forgetting” something may or may not be something you can actually control, forgiveness is an active choice. In cognitive behavioral therapy we teach a concept called unconditional other acceptance which means this- no one is on the planet to serve you at your leisure. We're all here doing our best, and all each one as flawed as the next person.  This is true even for intimate relationships. You are flawed. Your partner is flawed. If you're demanding perfection in chores or sex or mind-reading, you're on the quick road to conflict.

In relationship counseling, sometimes we use scars and baggage as analogies when discussing concepts in psychology and self-help. Scars happen.  Scars can even be sexy for some people.  But open wounds- not so much.  So you might not forget that your partner was dishonest to you about something, for example, but you had better forgive them and let that wound heal over, getting you one step closer to unconditionally accepting/tolerating that people are not ever going to behave the exact way you want them to always and forever. Forgiveness is accepting, with grace, that yes, your beloved is/was just as flawed as you, your therapist, and everyone else on the planet.

MyTherapist New York offers modern, effective therapy for individuals (psychotherapy), relationship counseling and sex therapy in Manhattan.