One late night, with a pint of ice cream, you are scrolling through your usual social media sites and you see pictures of your ex living it up soon after your break up. He/she is posing with other people, going out, brunches, drinks, the works. It looks like they are not phased by the break up at all, which sends you into a free fall of anger and hurt. Are these posts a true reflection of what’s going on in your ex’s life?
It is tough and unfair to make a judgment on who is more hurt in a break up. People can get very good at putting up a front and masking hurt. After a break up, there is a misconception that neither partner benefits from being vulnerable with one another. What’s the point of disclosing your hurt and sorrow ? You have broken up and now it’s a race to see who gets over it the fastest, or rather, who is the best at making it look like they got over it. But when we are not honest with ourselves, we hinder our healing process.
Social media is a big culprit in this deception. Through it, we are able to mislead others and ourselves that everything is fine. Posts and photos are often not an accurate reflection of what is really going on in any person’s life. As a society, we value being “impenetrable” and discourage real sharing and exposure.
The more we avoid what we are really feeling, the longer it’ll take to move on. Chances are that your ex is feeling crappy too, but turning it into a competition is useless. Focus on how you can be open about your hurt in a constructive way. Be vulnerable and share the ugly times too, in what ever way works for you.