Do you go to therapy during work hours?

…”at work, there is often still a stigma attached to therapy. Talking with your friends about going can be far easier than talking about it with the manager who decides your raises and promotions. And the vulnerability you create when you share that you do therapy can be used against you.

Bringing up your therapy appointments to your employer requires anticipating your boss’ reaction and having a plan prepared.”

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Your 20s Are a Big Deal!

Our 20s are a crucial time in our lives. It is the decade where we become independent, are expected to decide our vocation, find a mate, explore our sexuality and be "functional" adults. That's a lot of pressure! We can often overlook how important the time after graduating college can be. Keeping up with our own expectations, comparing ourselves to others and keeping face that we are always okay is really tough. How can we develop good mental health habits so we can cultivate our best lives?


The first step in maintaining good mental health is remembering the above- post graduation is a crucial time for self-identity with a lot of pressures involved, so be kind to yourself. This will require patience and acceptance. Staying mindful of this situation can go a long way in staying grounded and positive. There is a lot of research to support that mindfulness improves mood and outlook.


Don't stay in your own head- rumination can reinforce depression and anxiety. Reach out for support where ever and how ever you can. Get a fresh perspective. Turn to anyone in your support network who you know will give you empathy and acceptance. If you find that the support is not helpful, turning to a mental health professional is a great way to learn how to process your feelings in a non-judgmental space. Therapy can go a long way in helping you learn coping skills and challenge the patterns that aren’t working for you (and how to change them!).


Remember that we often times don't end up in careers and life paths in the typical way we'd hoped. We'd like to try and plan ahead, but we ultimately can't control what's going to happen. What we CAN do is transform our relationship with the difficult feelings we have during this process and know that they are normal and valid. We can also learn to manage our expectations, making sure to set realistic goals. Draw from as many resources as you can to take you through this experience. It's good practice for the inevitable difficulties that lie ahead. If you work on your tolerance and self-care now, you'll be better equipped to maintain a healthy, positive mindset in the future.

Self-Love in the Era of Pride

EVERY human has the right to self-expression. The fight to be recognized and accepted takes strength, endurance and most of all, self-love. Fighting so vehemently, for so long, can only come from an inner acceptance of the self. Although the struggle is far from over, we are living in a time where all genders, preferences and colors are starting to be recognized. When the LGBTQIA folks model self-love, it forces society to increase it’s recognition and acceptance of others.

Self-love means giving yourself a break and accepting yourself unconditionally. We are all prone to difficult life situations, but they do not take away from our value as humans. If we cannot accept ourselves, with all of our baggage, we can never achieve self-love. 

Learning to love yourself takes time. Often times, our self-deprecating words and thoughts are directly tied with how we love and accept ourselves. Sometimes, we have to undo years, if not decades, of negative self-talk, difficult childhood experiences and traumas. Going through this process alone might not be the best idea. It is very difficult to objectively look at yourself and shut off the negative self-talk that got you here in the first place. Therapy and support groups can be good tools for this journey. Staying in your own head doesn’t bode well- sometimes you need an outside perspective to reinforce your worth. Be compassionate to yourself in this process because it’ll be uncomfortable. Don’t set time restrictions on your progress and lean on a good friend or supportive family member when needed.

The LGBTQIA community can teach the world a lot about unconditional self-acceptance. Pride month is not only a time to revel in all the progress the community has achieved. It’s also a time to celebrate and appreciate the tremendous strength it takes to love yourself no matter what.

I really like him..now what?

So you started seeing someone who you think is the one.  All the stars have aligned and you can see yourself starting a life with this person.  This can cause a various range of feelings including excitement, joy, and pure happiness. It can also leave you feeling scared and anxious.  So what do you ask before making the big leap? Here are a few things to consider when you start thinking about the future.

 

If you start seeing someone and you feel there could potentially be a future, it’s important to start asking questions sooner than later. First, it’s important to know what you are looking for in your ideal partner and what values are most important to you.  Sometimes we can confuse something that is “fun” with what is right for us.  Asking the right questions in the beginning of the relationship can help navigate to determine if this is what you’re looking for.

 In the “ getting to know you” stage, it is important to explore the individual and get an idea of who they are as a person.  You will constantly be learning new things about your potential significant other and it can be really exciting yet overwhelming at the same time. Asking questions about hobbies and life goals can give you a good idea of a person’s interests and what they value to see if they match up with yours for the long run.

 First date activities should consist of fun things that you both enjoy doing. Sometimes something as simple as a picnic in the park or a stroll in your neighborhood with a cup of coffee and good conversation can go a long way.

 The first few dates will navigate your road map for your potentially future relationship. Paying attention to any red flags in the beginning is important as they may likely come up again later on in the relationship.  If there is something that you question, make sure to ask further and allow the person to explain themselves in their own terms.

 Dating is a fun, unique experience.  Every experience is different.  Knowing when and what questions to ask can go a long way and can make sure you wind up with the right person for you.

3 Top Reasons People Cheat

 Cheating on your partner is something that can damage an existing relationship in a matter of seconds but people still find themselves in the situation and commit the act.  Why do people do it? There are many reasons as to why someone may turn to cheating on their partner(s), but we also have to define what is cheating?

The answer is a different as the people you ask. In relationship counseling, we’d define cheating as explicitly and on purpose not living up to the goals of emotional and/or sexual fidelity arrangements implicit in the current relationship.

 One of the issues of people who cheat in their everyday relationships is due to the lack of sexual intimacy that they have with their current partner. Sex is a physiological need for all human beings. When the need is not met, an individual will seek it elsewhere. This situation is one of the most common complaints of clients in long-term relationships who seek therapy.

 Another common issue is lack of communication. Clients often come in stating that they feel unheard by their partner which leads them to believe they are not loved in the way they long to be. This can lead to self esteem issues for an individual which can result in them straying away from their current partner to seek the satisfaction of feeling wanted by someone, although they do truly love their partner. It is important to be open about your sexual desires and needs in her current relationship.  Letting your partner know what you want should be something that is openly discussed. 

 One more reason people cheat is because they are simply bored in their relationship.  It is important to spice up your sex life and talk about what pleases your partner together. Many people often go stray on their significant other solely because they are no longer having fun and think that nothing can change when in fact, if the communication is right, the issue can be solved.

Everyday situations occur in the work place, on the street, or at the local grocery store. When there is mutual attraction and both parties are interested and willing to engage, the things list above will play a major factor in causing someone to turn to infidelity. Remember to discuss what is on your mind and compromise with your partner so both of your needs are met. If you are having constant arguments, having a third party, such as a therapist,  listen to help resolve your problems, is never a bad idea.